Taking on the role of a virtuous, Godly wife is one of the highest honors a woman can aspire to be. Let’s not confuse the way a woman behaves towards other men with how a wife should behave towards her own husband. There is a major difference between a single woman and a wife. Too often, society tries to confuse the responsibilities of a Godly wife with that of single women.
So what does it take to be a Godly wife? Courage and fearlessness. Why? Because it’s not easy being a Godly wife. A Godly wife is required to see to it that she respects and submits to her husband. Her husband does not have to earn her respect, but rather, she must see to it that she respects her husband no matter what.
Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
“Seeing to” something means to make sure that the given task gets completed. If your employer asked you to “see to it that a certain task is completed”, you would understand that it is your individual responsibility to ensure its success! In the case of Ephesians 5:33, “seeing to it” means that it is the wife’s individual responsibility to make sure that she achieves this level of obedience to God’s word.
This is an individual responsibility and it has nothing to do with her husband. This means that a husband should not have to ask, demand or force his wife to be respectful and submissive to him. This is something that the wife must strive to achieve on her own because she wants to be obedient to God’s command for wives. Being a Godly wife isn’t something that a husband should have to coerce out of his spouse. It is a commitment from the wife. This is a decision that the wife makes herself willingly and independently. Her decision is not based upon or influenced by the actions of her husband.
Ephesians 5:24 – Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
1 Corinthians 7:4 – The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.
Naturally, as for anyone, there is a fear involved in becoming completely submissive to someone. Everyone is afraid to relinquish all authority of themselves over to someone else. What if that person abuses their power? It truly is the ultimate show of vulnerability and love! By nature, humans are designed to be survivors, and submitting to someone else feels like the absolute opposite! But a Godly wife has faith in God’s word, and her desire is to be a virtuous woman.
What Does It Mean To Be Virtuous?
Virtuous definition: having or showing high ethical standards.
Proverbs 12:4 – A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Being a virtuous wife means that you have decided to forgo your ideas on marriage and accept the authority of your husband, in order to uphold the high ethical standards found in God’s word.
1 Peter 3:1& 2 – In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. 2 They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Despite all of the negative connotations associated with being a submissive wife, a Godly wife overcomes her own natural inclinations of defiance and rebellion. Upholding God’s high ethical standards means that you must deal with your own natural resistance. There must be a transformation that takes place within her mind:
Romans 12:2 – Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Proverbs 31:10 – Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. 11The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he lacks nothing of value. 12She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life.
And rightly so! It is no easy task to live your life entirely according to someone else’s expectations. A Godly wife chooses to place her husband’s desires, priorities, and standards above her own. Her actions are to never harm him. She dies to her own spirit and desires so that she can embrace her husband’s ideals and the two can become one. A Godly wife ignores the promptings of popular culture to be rebellious. Instead, she inclines herself to the leadings of the Holy Spirit, and what the Bible says about being a Godly wife.
A Godly Wife Is Precious In God’s Eyes
This is why a virtuous woman is so valuable to God and her husband. Her beauty does not come from her outward appearance. Her beauty lies within the unseen, hidden person of the heart.
1 Peter 3:3-4 – Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
The beauty of a virtuous woman is unfading and incorruptible. Just like she would take care in adorning her outward appearance, a Godly wife takes the time to look inward and examine her appearance. She carefully and joyfully beautifies her inner self with a quiet, gentle spirit, and God considers these characteristics very precious.
Being a Godly wife takes courage because of course like every man who’s ever lived and ever will live (besides Jesus), her husband is not perfect. There will most definitely be moments when she does not agree with her husband’s decisions, actions or behavior. Perhaps her husband is cruel, even a harsh and horrible person. If a wife decides to wait for the day that her husband deserves her respect and submission, that day may never come! This is why Ephesians 5:33 specifically states that a wife must ‘see to it” that she respects her husband. And this is where being virtuous comes in play.
1 Peter 3:1& 2 – In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. 2 They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.
A Godly wife is even required to accept the authority of a husband who is disobedient to God’s word. Despite her husband’s unworthiness of her respect and submission, a Godly wife continues to maintain God’s high ethical standards of submitting to her husband. When a Godly wife submits to her husband, she is doing so not because of anything her husband did or said to deserve it, because she knows he is not perfect. She does so because she is acknowledging and adhering to a higher standard of ethics found in the word of God. A higher standard that calls for her not to judge her husband but to continue to willingly and joyfully take the role of a helper to her husband, in a quiet and supportive manner.
Let’s take a look at the story of Abigail and Nabal found in 1 Samuel 25.
Abigail was the wife of a very wealthy man named Nabal. 1 Samuel 25: 3 describes Abigail as an “intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings”. While David was living his years on the run from King Saul, he and his men had dealings with Nabal’s shepherds and servants, and were always kind to them. David and his men watched over and protected them while they were herding Nabal’s sheep in the wilderness. When David heard that it was sheep shearing time, he sent men to ask Nabal for aid but Nabal refused. In return, David promised to avenge himself because Nabal paid him back evil for good.
1 Samuel 25: 21 – David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s [Nabal’s] property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. 22 May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belongs to him!”
When Abigail heard about David’s plan to kill Nabal, she set out to meet David with provisions for him and his men in an effort to save her husband’s life.
1 Samuel 25:23 – 25 – 23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. 25 Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent.
This passage clearly shows that Abigail did not agree with Nabal’s actions. She herself points out that the name ‘Nabal’ means ‘fool’. Yet, being a Godly wife, she knew that her duty was to her husband. And so, she begs David to spare her husband’s life, even though she knew he was deserving of punishment. In the end, David agrees to spare Nabal’s life and keeps himself from unnecessary bloodshed and sinning by avenging himself. Ultimately, as we read in verse 38, God causes Nabal to suffer a massive stroke and die.
Eventually After Nabal’s death, David asks Abigail to become his wife. And we can see the Godly and submissive heart of Abigail in her reply:
1 Samuel 25:41 – 42 – She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, “I am your servant and am ready to serve you and wash the feet of my lord’s servants.” 42 Abigail quickly got on a donkey and, attended by her five female servants, went with David’s messengers and became his wife.
Even though she was going to be the wife of a great king, Abigail maintained a servant’s heart toward David. She commits herself to serving David and even his servants! This is the kind of heart that Godly wives must have. Godly wives accept the heart of a servant, always having their husband’s best interests in mind.
Today’s popular culture encourages wives to be contentious towards their husbands. The media glorifies feminists and women with abrasive attitudes. Husband-bashing and male emasculation has become the household norm. But the Bible challenges women to be virtuous and brave, and to stand against these unbiblical beliefs, even in the face of opposition.
1 Peter 3:6 – For this is how the holy women of the past adorned themselves. They put their hope in God and were submissive to their husbands, 6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. And you are her children if you do what is right and refuse to give way to fear.
2 Timothy 1:7-8 – God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. 8So do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, or of me, His prisoner. Instead, join me in suffering for the gospel by the power of God.
A virtuous wife does not manipulate or compromise the word of God to suit her own situation or beliefs. Godly wives understand that ultimately, their submission to their husbands is an act of obedience and worship to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22 – Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
Colossians 3:18 – Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Sarah and Abigail referred to their husbands as “Lord’ and ‘Master’. They served their husbands as if they were serving the Lord Jesus himself. The Godly wives in the Bible were prepared to operate in the position of a servant to their husbands out of obedience to God. So I’ll ask again, do you have what it takes to be a Godly wife? God does not give us a spirit of fear! He will never make you afraid to do his will. If you are afraid to submit to your husband, reach out to God for help. If it is truly your desire to be obedient to the Bible by being a Godly wife, the Holy Spirit will enable you if you ask!
Proverbs 31: 30 – Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
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