What does the Bible tell us about finding a spouse? Is there such a criteria? The answer is yes, there is a criteria if you are a Christian looking for a spouse and it is not based on good looks, health, wealth, education or family status. The ways of the world teaches us to look for these immaterial and shallow attributes. However, as children of God, we have been set apart to be a royal priesthood, and the Bible shows us that in order to find a Godly spouse, we must look deeper into the spiritual health of the potential mate.
Christian men should not be choosing a wife based on outer beauty. He should be looking for a woman who possesses the inner beauty of a gentle, submissive, and quiet-spirited woman. A woman who loves God and will be submissive to her husband in everything, out of obedience to the word of God.
1 Peter 3:1-6 – Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.
4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Likewise, Christian women should not be looking for a man based on money, good looks, or even depending on his race. Education should also not be a factor, since a man of God must be knowledgeable in the teachings of Jesus, not the world’s ways and philosophies.
As a true follower/disciple, a man of God will follow the teachings of Jesus, and live his life as the Lord did. He will not make his life about education or seeking after money and he will look to God for his provision, just as Jesus commanded:
Luke 12:22-34 – Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Luke 14:33 – In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
And as the disciples also did:
Acts 3:6 – Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.”
Matthew 19:27 – Then Peter said to him, “We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get?”
As Peter stated, all the disciples/apostles had given up everything to follow Jesus, yet they all were married except for Paul and Barnabas.
1 Corinthians 9:5 – Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas?
A Christian woman’s decision for a mate must not take into account how much money a man has. Showing favoritism due to money is wrong.
James 2:1-7 – My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. 2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5 Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7 Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong?
Jesus lived this way; not seeking after money or being wealthy. He remained obedient to God’s word.
Luke 9:58 – Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.
Matthew 8:20 – Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
And a man of God is called to live just as Jesus did.
1 John 2:6 – Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.
1 Peter 2:21 – To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
Finding a man of God means to look for a man who loves God and is obedient to His word. Both men and women must not base their choice on race either, but on the criteria of whether or not, the person is a believer. Any other criteria than this would be considered favoritism, which is against God’s word.
James 2:1, 8-11 – My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism…8 If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11 For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.
I am referring here only to people who are looking for a mate, as in, they are either single or widowed. This does not include anyone who has been divorced. For a believing Christian couple, remarriage is not permitted unless your spouse has died. Or in a husband’s case, unless a wife has committed adultery. In which case, the husband can remarry but not the wife.
Matthew 5:32 – But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.
Matthew 19:9 – And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”
To be clear, a divorced woman can never remarry under any circumstances, unless her husband has died. Additionally, no man can marry a divorced woman or he is an adulterer.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 – To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
Mark 10:11 – He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
1 Corinthians 7:39 – A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
Romans 7:2-3 – For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.
Luke 16:18 – “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Lastly, if you married an unbeliever in ignorance, meaning not knowing what the scriptures said regarding this subject, then the following scriptures apply:
1 Corinthians 7:12-14 – To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
If you are married to an unbeliever, do not seek divorce. In this situation only, the unbelieving spouse is permitted to leave the marriage, but not the believer.
1 Corinthians 7:15 NIV – But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
1 Corinthians 7:15 God’s Word Translation – But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound [by a marriage vow]. God has called you to live in peace.
1 Corinthians 7:15 ISV – But if the unbelieving partner leaves, let him go. In such cases the brother or sister is not under obligation. God has called you to live in peace.
If the unbelieving spouse does leave the marriage on their own accord, then the believing spouse is no longer bound by marriage. He or she would be free to remarry, but this time, it must be in the Lord, meaning, they must marry a believer.
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