This post is in no way condoning adultery. Husbands who are being sexually denied are not free to cheat on their wives. Adultery is a sin but so is sexually denying your husband. Anytime you disregard what is written in the word of God, it is a sin. The purpose of this post is to simply outline that adultery is the most probable outcome for a husband who is being sexually denied. Essentially, sexual immorality is cause and effect and that is exactly what the Apostle Paul is addressing.
1 Corinthians 7: 2-6 & 8-9 – But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Sexual immorality occurs when sex is being had outside of marriage. Because of this, Paul advises each person to have their own spouse. That way, the couple can operate with the understanding shown in verse 4, that both husband and wife agree to give over authority of their own bodies to their spouse. The Bible clearly states that one of the chief purposes of getting married, is if you burn with passion. So it would defeat the purpose to get married and then continue to burn with passion because your spouse is sexually denying you. Husbands who are in sexless marriages feel trapped and tricked. But a Godly wife understands that sexual consent is given in advance forever when they say their marriage vows.
Ephesians 5: 24 – Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Jesus is Lord and as the church, we are commanded to obey him in every way. There is no aspect of a Christian’s life that doesn’t need to be surrendered to Jesus. We cannot deny Christ in any way and neither can we instruct him! Our submission to Christ is not done begrudgingly out of force, but rather love, respect, and a desire to please the Lord. In the same way, a wife must see to it that she submits to her husband in everything, including sexually.
The loss of sexual intimacy in a marriage is a tell tale sign of imminent disaster. Just like a normal appetite, every man and woman has a sexual appetite that must be fed. If you are not feeding your spouse’s sexual appetite, don’t think they will just starve! Husbands cheat because their wives neglect their needs. If you stop feeding your husband at home, it should come as no surprise to eventually find him eating at McDonald’s!
Once your spouse stops seeing you in a sexual way and as a sexual partner, their desire will turn towards someone else. When your husband stops associating you with sex, you will be nothing more than a roommate and/or the mother of their children. Husbands should not be made to feel like they are sexual fiends. Sex is a natural and normal expectation in a Christian marriage! It is not to be used as a bargaining tool or reward for good behavior. A man will not put his sex life on hold either. If you are constantly putting sex on the bottom of your list of prioritites, this will weaken him, causing him to be defensless against temptation when another woman offers him what you are not.
Having to force your wife to have sex is not love and in the same way, denying sex to your husband is also not love. Both parties must agree to relinquish authority over their bodies.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 – The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The Apostle Paul is stating that if somehow, you both have mutually decided (and I must stress – mutually) to refrain from sexual intercourse for a time (for the purposes of prayer only), let it be short so that you do not give Satan the opportunity to tempt you.
1 Corinthians 7:6 – I say this as a concession, not as a command.
Paul is not in any way commanding everyone to take this break from sex for prayer. He is simply not disagreeing with it, if it is a mutual decision between both husband and wife. The important thing to know is that everytime a husband and wife deprive each other of sexual intimacy, they are opening the door to sin through temptation.
Do you make sure you’ve eaten, are dressed and ready to take on the day? Do you take time out in your busy schedule to get your nails and hair done? Do you make time to ‘go out with the girls’ or ‘grab a coffee with your bestie’? Clean the house? You make time for the things that are important to you. If you don’t find time for regular sex in your marriage, it’s time to make a change before it’s too late!
1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
In the verses before this, one of the temptations that Paul specifically refers to is sexual immorality. Paul is saying that God has provided us with a way to overcome sexual immorality through the institution of marriage. This is assuming that you have married a Godly spouse who understands that sexual consent is something that is a permanent commitment. This is the defense that a Godly marriage equips us with. Husbands who have Godly wives that do not deny them, are fully equipped against temptation. A man who has a Godly wife, looks at temptation like he’s just eaten to his heart’s content and has absolutely no interest in wanting more!
A Godly marriage is meant to keep spouses from falling into the temptation to commit sexual immorality, which is sex outside of marriage. A husband depends on his wife to be there for all of his needs and this is especially so with regards to his sexual needs. This is the one need that he can only have met through his wife. If a woman is not fulfilling her duty to be a Godly wife, then she makes it difficult for her husband to remain faithful to her. He remains ill equipped to fight off temptation and undoubtedly, infidelity is inevitable.
Proverbs 31:10-12 – 10A wife of noble character, who can find? She is far more precious than rubies.
Finding a wife who fears the Lord and submits to her husband in every way is important.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he lacks nothing of value.
A Godly wife is the only way a husband can rest assured that he will not be tempted into sexual immorality. He lacks nothing because of the love his wife has for God.
12 She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life.
A Godly wife has her husband’s best interests in mind including understanding the importance of her husband’s sexual health.
Do whatever it takes to make and maintain time for sex in your marriage. Ditch the chores, order takeout, send the kids to bed early, wake up earlier yourselves, cancel extra curricular activities for the family – you can do without a lot of things in your life, but a sexless marriage is not one of them! Denying your spouse sexual intercourse is a sin against God’s word.
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